On Hearing God

Posted on January 11, 2012 by

Many don’t know how to listen.  A lot of people are uncomfortable with silence.  I know that some persons have to fill their space with either the noise of the radio or having the television blaring even if they are not paying attention. Some feel that they have to speak to fill up the silence. Others love to hear the sound of their own voice. Most establishments feel that it is necessary to shop, work, and/or eat with something playing in the background. After all, what’s a party without some noise?  The music in the background helps to create an atmosphere.

And if you live in a busy city, one most often becomes accustomed to having a lot of noise.  It is my experience when I go out to the suburbs that I cannot avoid noticing the silence of the countryside. There are fewer sirens, trains, and people yelling. In fact, sometimes is more difficult to sleep. Every crack, creak, and pop becomes magnified.

Learning how to properly listen is an acquired art. In the midst of busy-ness, ears can become so full that there is not any room to hear “any still small voice.” Many do not stop to take a few minutes out of their day to recollect themselves. Many do not know even where to go to find silence.

Many have not learned how to pray by being silent. Sure prayers can be petitions and thanksgivings, but it also can be a dialogue.  We speak and God speaks. And it requires being ready to hear. There are Churches and Sanctuaries that provide a space. But also one can learn how to be silent within oneself even when the world is so noisy outside.

In today’s (January 11) Scripture reading Samuel keeps hearing someone calling his name.  He mistakes the voice of God for that of Eli. Through this process Samuel learns to say: 

Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening (NAB, I Sam 3:9)

It is a discipline, like an exercise.  Persons can train their bodies to be fit, so can one train their soul to listen to God.  Frequent reception of Communion, setting aside time for prayer, and observing the Commandments of God can help to prepare a heart toward God. And with all things of God, it is also a grace, a gift.  The Blessed Virgin Mary, full of grace, had a way of pondering things in her heart when it came to matters of God.  A person can be praying and listening to God throughout the day by having an openness of heart through whatever they might be doing.

Many people say: I pray and I still never hear anything.

It is important to realize that the practice of waiting to hear God is in itself a spiritual exercise.  Often we have to be made ready to hear.  In all things spiritual, perseverance and fidelity to God is what matters.  Many try to hear a physical voice.  This can happen, but very rarely and even extraordinarily.  Most often the voice of God can be found through others, through our own conscience, through the world around us, in nature, in the Church at Mass, in a holy hour before the Blessed Sacrament, and of course in Sacred Scripture.

Once in a while one might get a billboard.  When my son was 6 years old before I became Catholic, I saw a billboard that said, “Make sure he knows the way to heaven before he is seven.”  This prompted me to look into his baptism in the midst of my family joining the Church.

God can be subtle and not so subtle.  But It is most important not to abandon prayer.  Keep vigil in one’s heart for whatever way God might choose to speak. 

Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened to you.

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Things Are Not Always What They Appear

Posted on January 9, 2012 by

(c) 2012 Bernard Eden; The Tower of Pisa

Perhaps you have experienced this.  A very tall building does not look very big and a smaller building looks huge.  It all depends on where one is standing.  I remember when visiting the leaning tower of Pisa people would take snap shots of family members holding up the tower.  If positioned correctly a person in the foreground looks as though they are Atlas with the ability to hold up the entire world. 

A mountain range in the distance can look like a short hike but can also turn into an endless marathon.  I remember walking the Mall at the nation’s capital.  What looked like a few blocks to get to the Washington Monument turned out to be several miles.  A bird’s eye view of a landscape can distort one’s judgment of how far and how long it can take to get from point A to point B.

Whether a situation is insurmountable or within grasp really depends on where one is standing.

In the same way, we really can’t rely 100% on our own perception at any particular moment at all.  We need a reference point, a guide.

Such can be applied to emotions.  How we feel at a particular moment may not be due entirely to the state of affairs around us.  Some things are not always what they might seem.  There are many factors go into feelings, including lack of sleep, blood sugar levels, amount of exercise, and even the amount of light in the daytime.

And it is always good to remember that the sun is always shining.  It is just a matter of whether or not there is cloud coverage on a particular day.

Such principles can be applied to the spiritual life too.  Many persons abandon prayer because of how one might “feel.”  Such a person might conclude that they are ineffective or such is a waste of time.  But if one were to study the history of the Saints, one would quickly see that sometimes silent prayer before the Blessed Sacrament and/or the Tabernacle is very productive.  Even the simple utterance of God’s name can yield abundance.  One cannot measure success the same way that the world does.  In fact, most often it is quite the opposite.  Blessed Mother Theresa of Calcutta once said, “We are not required to be successful.  We are required to be faithful.”

Today’s (January 10) readings show the prayer of Hannah who longed for a son:

“Eli watched her mouth, for Hannah was praying silently;
though her lips were moving, her voice could not be heard.
Eli, thinking her drunk, said to her,
“How long will you make a drunken show of yourself?
Sober up from your wine!”
“It isn’t that, my lord,” Hannah answered.
“I am an unhappy woman.
I have had neither wine nor liquor;
I was only pouring out my troubles to the LORD.
Do not think your handmaid a ne’er-do-well;
my prayer has been prompted by my deep sorrow and misery.”(NAB, I Samuel 1:12-16)

God granted Hannah a son who became Samuel.   What was initially was perceived as barrenness became productive.  Such is the same in our own lives. The key is perseverance in spite of what we might think or feel.

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My Night Light

Posted on January 7, 2012 by

(c) 2012 - Catholic Counselor Lady; Chicago Night Light

Rise up in splendor, Jerusalem! Your light has come,
the glory of the Lord shines upon you.
See, darkness covers the earth,
and thick clouds cover the peoples;
but upon you the LORD shines,
and over you appears His glory.
Nations shall walk by your light,
and kings by your shining radiance. (NAB, Isaiah 60:1-3)

Do you ever have those times when you just don’t get the point? Or know someone who just doesn’t seem to have a clue?  Decisions are made that seem to lead nowhere.  Or no matter how hard you try to wrap your brain around a concept, answers do not surface quickly.  One could say that such is the story of my own life, trying to find clarity in the midst of my darkness.

Travelling in darkness, one has to go very slowly. It is easy to get lost or to trip over anything that might come into one’s pathway, especially if you have pets or small kids.  This time of year it is very difficult to drive in evening rush hour traffic in downtown Chicago as it gets dark at 4:30 pm.  Pedestrians fill the streets more often than not dressed in dark colors.  And when trying to cross an intersection or make a turn, inevitably someone will be in the middle of road.  One has to really apply a careful eye. Yet there are limitations to my ability to see.  Headlights can only cast its rays just so far.  And if the valet parking attendant switches my headlights from “auto” to “off” with my noticing, I might actually end up driving for a few days without even my low beams.

Life is like driving down dark city streets (and sometimes forgetting to turn on the headlights!).  The Existential approach to psychology embraces the idea that all persons have an inherent need to find meaning in their lives.  Victor Frankl, a concentration camp survivor and theorist, proposed “man’s search for meaning” can be found in the object of his or her beloved: 

The truth — that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved. In a position of utter desolation, when man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievement may consist in enduring his sufferings in the right way  – an honorable way  – in such a position man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment. (Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning, Part One, “Experiences in a Concentration Camp”, Viktor Frankl, Pocket Books, pp.  56-57)

It boils down to what star we choose to follow and where that star leads us!

This year on Sunday January 8 the Catholic Church observes the Solemnity of the Epiphany of Our Lord which basically focuses on the journey of the Magi who followed the star to Bethlehem in search of Jesus.  An “epiphany” is a revelation of God.  It comes from Greek meaning “to reveal.”  It can simply be stated as that moment when the lights are all turned on and there is clarity.  Another term for this feast is the Theophany or Three Kings Day.

Pope Benedict XVI in his Epiphany homily on January 6, 2008 stated:  “The arrival in Bethlehem of the Magi from the East to adore the newborn Messiah is a sign of the manifestation of the universal King to the peoples and to all who seek the truth.”

The Magi seeking God is much like our own hearts seeking for the Beloved. Our hearts are on a sacred quest to find God who is the author of light.  We too can follow the star to Bethlehem, which means the “house of bread.” 

Prayer from Mass of St. Pius V for the Epiphany of Our Lord:  “O God, Who by the guidance of a star didst this day reveal Thine only-begotten Son to the Gentiles, mercifully grant that we, who know Thee now by faith, may be so led as to behold with our eyes the beauty of Thy majesty. Through the same Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, Who liveth and reigneth with Thee in the unity of the Holy Ghost, God, world without end. Amen.”

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When the Year Seems Already Running Amuck

Posted on January 4, 2012 by

Running Amuck?

Just a couple of days into the start of the New Year and things seem to be falling apart already?

I thought that I would check on definition of Amuck as for some reason this adverb is at the tip of my tongue.   It seems to have an icky sort of stuck in the mud appeal.   The official definition is quite severe: “To rush about in a murderous frenzy; to rush about wildly; to lose self control” (Definition.com).  The first part definitely not, but the second part- maybe.  Yes– as I try to get ahead of the laundry pile, take down decorations, clear a spot on the kitchen counter, and pay bills – yes, a  mild feeling of rushing about wildly and losing self control.  And, I have had my share of last year’s running in place on the hamster wheel.  I’m not so sure if I want to get on that treadmill again.

The New Year starts out great. A clean slate. Then some snow dusts Chicago, an earthquake hits Japan, a relative breaks an arm, and another slips on the kitchen floor. I’m not too sure about those dieting and exercising regimen resolutions any more.  I find myself sliding into old habits that will not leave quietly. I hate the old saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  It is the worst saying in the world for those of us who really do try.

I know that there are a lot of people out there who try –both saints and sinners.   January 5th is the Feast Day of St. John Neumann.  He wrote some very beautiful words that I am sure arose out of his own experience of trying to do the best that he can:

“From this day, I will begin a new life.  With the help of Your grace I will be patient, diligent, and devout.  Show me the occasions in which I may practice my good resolutions.  Grant, O Jesus, my request to love and praise You with my whole heart, with my whole soul, and with all my strength.  Mother of Jesus, pray to your Son for me.  Jesus be with me stay with me this day…”(Magnificat, January 2012, p. 73).

So I pick myself up and smile. Habitrail here I come. As I know that tomorrow brings on a new day…“for God is greater than our hearts and knows everything”(NAB, I Jn 3:20).

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The Name Game

Posted on January 2, 2012 by

Most parents take great effort to decide on an appropriate name for a child.  Some are named long before they are conceived and others can’t make up their mind until a pen hits the birth or baptismal certificate.  Unless someone legally changes a name, a person is usually tagged for life. 

Yet in spite of great intentions by parents and caregivers, many a “Buffy,” “Cookie”, and “Bobo” get stuck with pet names picked out by a sibling or friend.  Now that I am an aunt, my own sister thinks the conjunction of Aunt Nat sounds like the pairing of two insects: “Ant Gnat” and thus, “Two Bugs.”  I personally think that coming up with a nick name can be quite an exercise of the brain. Most of the times, however, such terms just emerge at the slip of the tongue. These designations are often cute, playful, and lovingly used by those closest to us.  It is also interesting to see what people choose to call their pets. I think that my own Grandfather ran out of energy and creativity when he named his dog “Pooch”.  After a few weeks the name stuck and years later it is a pup that his grandchildren remember well.

Some cultures are more apt to use nick names.  Stereotypically many mobsters have some interesting and infamous designations.  If one starts researching genealogy, there are trends in names that seem to run in families.  Also in earlier times a surname was often given in relation to someone’s occupation or where they lived.  Traditionally a name attaches to it a reputation.

In a spiritual sense, a name has great power. January 3 the Catholic Church celebrates the Feast of the Holy Name of Jesus.  In Philippians 2:9-10 St. Paul states: “God greatly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bend, of those in heaven and on earth and under the earth”(NAB).

In the Old Testament the name of God could not be spoken casually on human lips, if at all.  “In Jewish thought, a name is not merely an arbitrary designation, a random combination of sounds. The name conveys the nature and essence of the thing named. It represents the history and reputation of the being named” (obtained from jewfaq.org). God is designated as YHWH with an unknown pronunciation.  When Moses asks God His “name”.  The answer given is “I am.”   This reappears in the New Testament in the many designations Jesus speaks of Himself such as “I am the Resurrection”, “I am the Good Shepherd”, “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life”, “I am the Bread of Life”, “I am the Vine”, etc.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that “the one name that contains everything is the one that the Son of God received in His incarnation: JESUS” (2666).  In assuming humanity God can be invoked in the name of Jesus, meaning “YHWH saves.” The catechism further states, “The invocation of the holy name of Jesus is the simplest way of praying always.  When the holy name is repeated often by a humbly attentive heart, the prayer is not lost by heaping up empty phrases, but holds fast to the word and brings forth fruit with patience” (2668).

Often times just saying the name of Jesus has been the only prayer that I have been able to muster up out of my feeble heart.  In times of stress, it is difficult to be eloquent, especially if seeking for God’s will.  Yet speaking the name of Jesus can be one of the most productive of prayers when used sincerely. This is not to mean using the name of Jesus in a vain way.

In the tradition of the early Church, spiritual writers often referred to the “Jesus Prayer” which simply is the invocation:  “Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on us sinners” which reflects the Gospel stories of the publican and blind men.  The effect of the Jesus Prayer is to help open the human heart to receive God’s mercy (CCC 2667).

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The World Day of Peace

Posted on December 31, 2011 by

The LORD bless you and keep you!
The LORD let His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you!
The LORD look upon you kindly and give you peace! (NAB, Nm 6:24-26)

There is a saying that peace begins within oneself.  The reframe from a popular song states, “Let there be peace on earth; and let it begin with me” which was originally written by Sy Miller and Jill Jackson, a husband and wife team in 1955.  The song became famous throughout the years by many well-known performing artists.

There is probably one thing that everyone can agree on and that is that they want peace.  The problem is that most of us have funny ways of going about getting peace.  Even in trying to avoid confrontation, I myself have an uncanny knack for putting my foot in my own mouth.  And many good intentions go awry and easily get misinterpreted.

When I try to summon up peace within myself the well quickly comes up dry. I know another old saying, “You can’t squeeze blood out of a turnip.”  It is clear that I am not the author of peace. This is not to say  that the quest for peace shouldn’t be attempted in my own corner of the world. But we all know too well how it is so easy to get bogged down with hurt feelings, rejections, lack of forgiveness, and an accompanying desire for justice and satisfaction.

The Results of Lack of Peace within Oneself

Lack of peace within oneself can lead to all sorts of emotional, physical, social, and spiritual difficulties.   Symptoms of stress abound such as back aches, headaches, muscle tension, sleep disturbances, malaise, stomach upsets, loss of appetite, frustration, anxiousness, and an overall lack of joy and negative attitude. Some sources of difficulty in obtaining peace originate in being unable to forgive and to accept forgiveness, placing unrealistic expectations on oneself and others, having an inability to let go of the past, and having a tendency to worry. Many even place blame on God and lack gratitude for life itself.  

My own family knows that “if Mommy’s not happy ain’t nobody happy.”  I am amazed at how many sayings and puns have emerged from the condition of being just plain miserable!

So Then Where’s the Peace?

According to an article by Lynne Shallcross in the January 2012 issue of Counseling Today, many of the blockages to peace and happiness are linked to some sort of need to forgive.  Deep seated grudges result in persons carrying around negative emotions and poor self-concepts.  Instead of hurting the object of their frustration, they actually become the prisoner of their own feelings.

Developing the skill of accepting life and others as they are instead of imposing conditional expectations is a key to achieving peace and happiness.  Forgiveness is a multi-step process.  It is also an act of one’s own free will.  The necessity of learning to live in the present moment by releasing the past is also important aspect of healing.

From a psychological standpoint, Mary Grieco, director of the Midwest Institute for Forgiveness, states that a person must first be committed to make a change. Then they must express their emotions in a constructive fashion.  Next is releasing any expectations of the situation and restoring boundaries. This process involves opening up one’s heart to receive healing from a higher power (Counseling Today, p. 43). 

Help from the Prince of Peace.

This step particularly excites me as a Christian as one can obtain help from the Prince of Peace.  From my own experience of having the well of my own resources running dry, it is great to know there is an inexhaustible source of healing from God.  The process of soliciting God aids a person to receive and send unconditional love to the people who had hurt them.  A very practical way of sending unselfish love is to make the decision to pray for those persons and to actually do it.  Such a heart can change very quickly when it prays.The final step involves being able to recognize the good in the person or situation that had originally caused the pain. A person who goes through this can genuinely say that God is love and that God is good.

The World Day of Peace

In the Catholic Church New Years Day is known as the solemnity of Mary Mother of God.  Since 1967, January 1 has also been designated as the World Day of Peace.  It is interesting that the Mother of God is also known as the Queen of Peace.  This year’s papal message highlights the theme of “Educating Young People in Justice and Peace.”

Finally but not less important, if we are Catholic, we also know that not only can we be forgiving but also we can receive forgiveness in the Sacrament of Confession.  It is interesting that this Sacrament is also called Reconciliation because it repairs one’s relationship to God and others.

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Remember the Little Things of the Year

Posted on December 30, 2011 by

My Grandpa Salvatore Picking Blueberries

When musing over this past year I easily find my mind jumping to what I would deem to be the “big events” of the year.  Such things as finishing graduate school, getting my license, the birth of my nephew, and vacation time in France. The mind seems to celebrate over those things which are by my estimation major, good, and deserve a few minutes of attention.

Yet if given the assignment to think of the “little things” over this past year, it is a much more difficult task.  Are the simpler things important too?  I remember my Grandfather, a survivor of the Great Depression, raving about how special it was to get an orange for Christmas.  He used to tell us his own grandchildren that we “made out like bandits.”  That was over 40 years ago now.   Remembering his words continue to give me a hug from the past.  I have such joy in reminiscing.  He passed away in 1988.

Bandits usually overlook the things deemed to be small in value.  So we can take joy in what the bandits leave behind.  We are short-changing ourselves if we underestimate the significance of the small and mundane.

There are some that can celebrate in that they were able to get out of bed, get dressed, and even go to work.  Going to work has been a big one for a lot of people these last couple of years.  And of course, there are the typical having enough to eat and a roof over one’s head.  My kids used to ask me if a penny was a lot of money.  I would reply that it was a lot if you didn’t have it.   So it is the same with a simple meal and a place to sleep.  My old Grandpa used to tell me that his favorite meal was a hot dog.  He could make a gourmet meal out of field dandelions, blue berries, wild mushrooms, and stuff he found around the yard.  He knew how to survive. Some of his concoctions were actually pretty good!  But I was a little wary of those mushrooms!

Among my little things include being able to do the laundry and driving my daughter to school.  I complain a lot.  But these things were accomplished and at times a form of mortification. Even maybe I lost a “little bit of” weight in the process.  And I can’t downplay the precious time I got to spend with my daughter on her way to class.  Our little conversations are ones I will cherish for years to come.

Being able to spend time with family members and friends has been another one of those little things that have great value to me. Seeing my nephews and nieces who live out-of-town.  Some little persons who are quickly becoming quite bigger!  Another year or even an extra day of life is something that many of us take for granted.  It may seem like a small thing to some people, but to me my Catholic faith is something that I am deeply grateful for as well.  I am happy to be able to go to Church.  It has been a journey to get here and I still have ways to go.  But it is in the small little host and chalice where the Real Presence of Jesus abides!

Blessed Mother Theresa used to say we should do small things with great love. St. Therese of Lisieux, also known as the Little Flower, stated,  “Miss no single opportunity of making some small sacrifice, here by a smiling look, there by a kindly word; always doing the smallest right and doing it all for love”(obtained from goodreads.com).  I am not the best at expressing my love and care for everyone, but perhaps this is one of my little ways of doing so.

I’m sure there is more little stuff  that I am grossly overlooking from this past year. Perhaps you have an easier time remembering your “little things”?

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A Mother’s Heart

Posted on December 29, 2011 by

..And you yourself a sword will pierce… (NAB, Luke 2:35)

These are the words that Simeon tells the Blessed Virgin Mary when she and Joseph present the infant Jesus in the Temple.   

 Self-Sacrificial Tone

A lot can be said of a mother’s heart.  A mother’s love for her children by nature is very strong.   Many of you might have heard the stories of mothers who were able to summon up supernatural strength to come to the aid of a child in danger:  Moms who are able to lift a car off of a child, block a bullet, run in front of traffic, and give up the last morsel of food. In the tradition of the Church, the prayers and penance of a mother are powerful and pierce heaven.  St. Monica is a great example of a persistent and patient woman who continued to pray for her wayward son who became St. Augustine, an early Doctor of the Church. These are some of the extreme examples of heroism.  There are also the humble everyday sacrifices that a typical mother makes for her child such as foregoing sleep, changing messy pants, modifying career goals, and sometimes losing her school girl figure to give birth. I have heard a lot of women say that they would rather suffer themselves than see their own child go through pain.

Some Might Feel Inadequate

Many get trapped into the stereotype of what they think that a mother should be.  They might get anxious about preconceived notions and become worried that they won’t measure up. Some might base their ideas on TV show examples.  But mothers are as unique as there are persons.  Many don’t realize that motherhood is a vocation complete with its joys and challenges.  And there are many occasions when a heart might find itself bleeding.  While the only immaculate mother is the Blessed Virgin Mary, the rest of us in some ways just do the best that we can with what we are given.  And of course there are Dads out there who although do not give birth, might take on such tasks for their children for whatever reason in addition to serving as a father.

In psychology a controversial experiment in the 1960s by Harry Harlow demonstrated the importance of maternal attachment. Rhesus monkeys were placed in various groups given terry cloth and wire constructed surrogate mothers with and without an attached bottle.  In all instances with or without the food, the monkeys showed preference to the terry cloth dummy.  When introduced to a threatening stimulus, the monkeys all clung to the cloth figure for protection and were less distressed in the presence of the cloth models.

As much as an infant needs comfort and love, the typical mother figure’s heart can be very vigilant. If a child eats very little, she worries that the child will be undernourished.  If a child eats too much a mother worries that the kid will become overweight.  If a child is a home body, the mother worries that the kid needs to get a social life.  However if the child is out with friends, the mother this time worries if the child is getting into trouble.  Some moms feel guilty about putting their children into daycare.  Others worry about keeping them at home too much.  No matter what condition, there is a mother out there to fret about it.  And sometimes a grandmother too. 

As mentioned in my last blog, a major reason that some women might choose abortion is because they feel incapable emotionally and financially for motherhood.  Some might have lacked adequate role models themselves.  Some might have had motherhood thrust upon them unexpectedly.  But no matter what the circumstances, a life is given to them by God.  And children received from adoption are also assigned by God.

Back to Simeon

Simeon, the old prophet in the Gospel of Luke had waited in the Temple for the arrival of Jesus.  The Scriptures say that it had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die until he saw Christ.  So he was happy to see Jesus and proceeded to sing his famous canticle. However, in the midst of the joy and celebration he tells Mary: “And you yourself a sword will pierce…” (NAB, Luke 2:35).  What harsh words for a mother to hear!  And indeed, she is to bear witnessing the crucifixion of her Son.  In the tradition of the Church, there is veneration to the Heart of Mary because of the sorrow that she has suffered and continues to suffer for her children, the Church.  Even the most immaculate heart is not unscathed from bleeding for the sake of her offspring. 

How Then can a Mother go on? 

We do have some very good examples from tradition, science and those around us. Some how the graces of motherhood come naturally and sometimes even supernaturally especially to those who place their trust in God.  Once again we are back to the theme of embracing the sufferings and learning to offer them up.  Prayers do work wonders — even the simplest of prayers.  Most of all, we are not alone.

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When there’s the Loss of a Child

Posted on December 27, 2011 by

“A person that loses a partner is called a widow.  A child who loses a parent is called an orphan. But there is no word to describe a parent that loses a child, because the loss is like no other. ..”  (Paraphrased from “An Orphan’s Tale, by J. Neugeboren, 1976)

This is a popular post going around on face book– you might have run across it.  It speaks of the loss of a child and the subsequent grief that a parent experiences.  It is true that there is no word to describe this type of loss.  We cannot possibly fathom what such a person might be feeling.  And often it is not only the parents, but other family members, friends, and sometimes even strangers.  We have little defense in coping with the loss of an innocent child.  Some say that the pain lives with them the rest of their life while here on earth.  It does not matter what age the child is, whether a fetus or a full grown adult.  There is still grief.  Many who have suffered a miscarriage can testify that the emotional pain is very real.

On Loss

When someone experiences a loss, they go through all types of different emotions.  Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying, popularized the five stages of grief.  Her model lists them as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And not everyone goes through all of them or even in that order.  In fact some might not even go through any of the stages at all.  Each person’s experience of this type of suffering is unique. If this is the case, then what good is a theory?  It gives us a template from which to work and somewhat of a ballpark idea of what one might be going through.  

I have heard people turn their anger towards God.  There are no easy answers to what happens to any of us while on our journey and in this life on earth.  Even non-Christians would agree that this world is full of anxiety and suffering.  However, if we are Christian, we know that God the Father did not even spare the Cross from His own Son, Jesus.  And whether or not we are Catholic we can cling to the redemptive value inherent in suffering.  There is a lot of meaning in the saying, “offer it up.”  I only wish I had realized this sooner in my life.

 A Premeditated Loss?

No one ever wants to lose a child.  Or do they?  According to the Centers for Disease Control, about 22% of all pregnancies end in abortion in the United States (National Vital Statistics Reports, April 6, 2010).  The most common reasons cited for abortion include not feeling emotionally or financially capable of raising a child and fear that a child would drastically change one’s life (obtained from http://www.johnstonsarchive.net/policy/abortion/abreasons.html).  But still thousands of women who have actually gone through with an abortion still experience loss and its effects have a negative impact on their life.  There are websites such as www.silentnomoreawareness.org and www.afterabortion.org where women and men share their stories.  The fetus is a life and any mother can tell you that the maternal bond is formed very early in the womb.

 The Feast of the Holy Innocents

The Church celebrates the Feast of the Holy Innocents this week during the Octave of Christmas.  This Feast remembers the little babies and children of Bethlehem who were slaughtered by King Herod.  In the history of the early Church, these helpless little infants were the first persons to shed blood for the sake of Jesus and as such are known as martyrs.  The Scripture repeats the prophesy from the Old Testament: “Ramah is heard the sound of moaning, of bitter weeping! Rachel mourns her children, she refuses to be consoled, because her children are no more.” (Jeremiah 31:15-16). 

These children of Bethlehem did nothing to deserved their demise. And there are likewise so many innocent unborn and born children who die from various causes known and unknown.  It can be said that there is an army of children in heaven. Knowing that these little angels have a soul in eternity can be a great source of consolation and hope.

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Let the Celebration Continue

Posted on December 26, 2011 by

When I was a kid, my waiting for the next Christmas commenced on December 26 and the ensuing year seemed like a long one indeed.  Nowadays a year seems like a month with all of my memories of Christmases past mashed together in my brain.  I used to be able to remember what I gave to whom for years in a row.  That ability left after I had kids.  These days it is an accomplishment if I can remember to give the gifts in the first place.  I am famous for putting things in a “safe place”, hidden so well to even myself!  It is always a nice surprise in July to stumble upon something left over from Christmas.  At least if it is not edible.

I wish I had known that Christmas didn’t end the day after Christmas back then. It was always a big let down when the hymns stopped on the popular radio stations.  One can almost hear the wheels come to a complete halt.  If it were not for returns, the stores would even slow down.  And most everyone thought that the guy down the street who still had the Christmas tree up in the front window of his living room after New Years was either lazy or demented.  And if it was still up in February, then definitely out of touch.

Now that I know that the season continues for a while, it is a privilege to be able to contemplate the real “reason for the season.”   As mentioned in an earlier blog, the season continues until the Feast of the Presentation in February.  In a way, it is great that the commercial season ends because the deeper spiritual part of this feast can take over.  I can celebrate without seeking for “stuff” and without so much “busy-ness”.  Perhaps take a few minutes to realize what just happened.   And the mess on the floor from all of the wrappings and boxes, looks like a mini holocaust. 

God never changes, just my perception of Him.  My Christmases might have changed over the years and my understanding of them too.  But His message is still the same. I have heard a lot of people say, “Christmas just doesn’t seem the same anymore.”  What we choose to call the season might change too.  But God is the same. The journey definitely continues.  We spend a few days by the manger and then the off to play in the New Year.  I am enjoying looking at all of the Christmas morning pictures posted by friends and family.

December 26 is actually the Feast Day of the first Martyr of the Christian Church –St. Stephen.  He was stoned at the command the of none other than Saul, who is later became known as St. Paul. This story seems to be quite an abrupt ending/beginning right after Christmas Day. The early Church writer Tertullian stated, “the blood of the martyrs is the seed of the Church.” But it stands as a reminder and a foreshadow of what the Church will continue to endure.  The little baby in the manger will one day be crucified.

My issue of the Magnificat worship guide today states, “Bethlehem is the prelude to Calvary. We may not merely stand adoring at the crib; we must also follow to the Cross” (Dec 2011 issue, p. 390).  We might not know what type of Cross lies ahead.  Each one is custom made.  This may seem to have a pessimistic tone to it.  No one likes the difficult part of the journey.  Most of us would like to get off where the party ends.  But true growth from a psychospiritual standpoint is being willing to accept the good times as well as the challenges.  We can take consolation in the fact that the little baby Jesus goes before us.  And we can proceed with joy.

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